[14 Feb 2006|11:57am] I think I have a problem with not being able to use the word 'no'. It's hard to say a lot of times, i dont know why. Maybe becuase I am scared of the reaction that I will get if I tell somebody no, or maybe I am scared of letting somebody down. Whatever the reason is, I still have a problem. I think I also have a problem of being too nice and I try to make everyone happy as much as I can and it works against me. As far as all of my friends, if they dont want to do something they say 'no' and they do not worry about it. for me, it is nothing like that. I wish I could be more like that, I think I would probably be more happy with certain things. this barely makes any sense at all, I apologize. 3 ... made me emo

[12 Feb 2006|10:17pm] I do not know why, but I would like to start writing in this. It seems fresh. I am going to post in this frequently, but still post in my other journal, therefore, I will not tell anyone about this, but let whomever stumble upon it. I think most of my friends have this journal added. Also, for the most part I believe that I will make this journal public, unless I do not want random people reading something specific that I am writing. Change is good. I need a change, with everything, Change is good. made me emo

[15 May 2005|03:29pm] i just woke up from a little nap. last night was just a mess. Im not blaming anything on anyone at all, i was just tired when she called to pick me up and it was 11:45. and jess was mad and there really was no point in going if i was going to go and fall asleep. i really wanted to hang out with everyone last night too, but it was taking forever! im still tired now. me and jess were hanging pretty much all day and all night. it was nice. we made calls to brian doody, ahha. that was fun. now we're just hanging out. I SHOULD GET SOME FOOD! becuase im hungry and a porker! rapko-out 1 ... made me emo

[14 May 2005|03:04pm] im not sure whats going on with tonight. im not sure if i am going to the keg. i know i will be hanging out with greg april and jess. i dont know what we are doing though. 2 ... made me emo

[14 May 2005|12:28am] eww.. you fucking ugly bitch.   don't move my school bag or i will punch you in the face. 3 ... made me emo

[12 May 2005|09:16pm] creep x magnet: she's trying to be in, yo' xTakemeorleaveme: like we all wish for that cool parent, but its odd creep x magnet: we'll have her do a keg stand xTakemeorleaveme: shes like ling lings mom from the hot chick. showing up at prom Rapko you forgot choo bling bling xTakemeorleaveme: lol xTakemeorleaveme: hahah omg xTakemeorleaveme: i laughed so hard when i read that creep x magnet: hahaha creep x magnet: oh mrs. rapko, you're sooo wasted creep x magnet: then she starts flirting with greg xTakemeorleaveme: omg xTakemeorleaveme: yuck please stop creep x magnet: haha 1 ... made me emo

[08 May 2005|08:16pm] havn't updated in a few days. last night liz came over and we walked to the keg. i never realized how close it was to my house and i can't believe i waited an hour for the bus the one time, i could have walked home in 10 minutes. I met a lot of new people. and made new friends. I have decided to slow down my drinking and wait a few weeks before i drink again. I dont want to make a habbit out of it. I have some pictures. I was blind for the night, liz gave me her sun glasses and i picked up a stick. very funny. I got home around 12. i woke up this morning with a hangover, it really sucked. my brother hinted towards my mom that iw as drinking and she said i dont care as long as i dont catch him doing it. im going to bed early. i am beat!!! rapko - out 12 ... made me emo

[06 May 2005|09:15pm] I was inspired by 'One Song Glory' to write a poem. its about a rockstar that has everything he could ever want. He finds this girl who isn't always quite honest with him, but he doesn't mind becuase she is a beautiful girl and he thinks she is perfect. But, on the inside, she is a train wreck. she has AIDS. he finds out that he has AIDS and he is trying to write one last song to leave for the world to remember him by. I wrote this to help people to stop and think about the choices that they are making in their life and how it could affect them, and how every choice is a life changing one. </p> ( a poem i wrote ) 2 ... made me emo

[04 May 2005|06:56pm] got up late again today, it felt nice. My mom said could drive me so i ended up getting a ride. We are learning about blood types in forensics and i am taking interest in that class more becuase always had questions about blood types and such. in other news, lindsay green let a septa bus run over the notes i let her borrow. she says they dropped on her floor...the translation for that is " i threw those bitches in the street". ha just kidding. go on this website, if you are cool. http://joedonohoe.com/default.aspx?page=rent you can listen to the song life support and watch the video ' Will I '. oh crystal, i found out how to get them on the camera. yay!!! lol. umm thats it for now. rapko - out. made me emo

[04 May 2005|07:49am] school has been alright. Today and yesterday we have to be at 10:30. It is nice getting up late. yesterday I walked to school for the first time since like freshman year. it was nice. I am going to walk again today, i think. lifes been alright i guess. i really need to do my monologue tape and send them to Don. like now. I havn't done them beucase of school, everything was too overwhelming, but now that everything has calmed down i can hop on making the video and then head off to California! There isn't much more to write about so i'll stop. rapko rapko 7 ... made me emo

[01 May 2005|08:32pm] last night was aprils party. i can honesly say i did not enjoy myself. i just sat away from everyone else and drank a few beers. i wasn't myself. I sound like a dick. and lately i have been turning into one, an asshole is more like it. maybe not, but i think i am. I am trying to strenghten myself for the world and push people away becuase i fear that people wont like me when i leave high school. If i push everyone away then i wont have to worry about people not liking me. this kid is going to get beat with a baseball bat. fucker. so annoying. on to better stuff. before the party last night i went to the talent show. It wasn't bad. one girl sung "the rose" and i couldn't stop thinking about Napoleon Dynamite and the happy hands club. Alex Brennan sang, there is something about her playing the guitar and singing that makes me happy. Most people get goosebumps when someone sings really well, i cry. I tried to not let it happen, lol. but my eyes teard up a little bit. im a nerd. but seriously, her songs touched me. and she inspires me. im going to start writing songs on the piano. I am going to change my last name to lemonjelly. and lose my first name and make it rapko. Rapko lemonjelly. how awesome does that sound? ha. life at the moment is not the best. lately i have been very emotional, im not saying that for attention, or for anyone to be sympathetic and say " i feel bad for you" or whatever. its just weird because im rapko. i am always supposed to be happy and cheer everyone else up. i think i need someone in my life. someone to like and like me back. i feel lonely and left out and i completely hate it. i dont know. i need more friends in my life. perferably males. im such a bitch and i need more guy friends. thats it. im done my bitching. later rapko rapko 9 ... made me emo

friends only. [17 Apr 2005|12:49pm] friends only bitches I know I know. I'm cruel. add me and you're added. 5 ... made me emo

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